the first in my interview series...
setting: 8pm on a Saturday evening in November 2009, the –ish and miss new jersey bitch-ish have consumed 3 bottles of alcohol, a few beers, multiple cigarettes and are sitting in a cigar bar in montclair nj. he only 2 women in the room, watching sports center on a big screen that is bigger than the –ish’s bedroom.
Miss new jersey-ish: You have a tape recorder with and that is kind of hilarious and we are going to laugh about this in 10 years.
the –ish: Yes, I do because I am the interviewer and you are the interviewee…. And I am talking to New Jersey-ish. First question, what is your name and where are you from and how would you define that?
loaded question.
the –ish: Yes- it is… but elaborate, think of it as…
This is going to come back and haunt me. This is
the –ish: Admit it! I’m a jersey girl at heart as well…
From Hamilton township, a town over from where the –ish was born. She likes to front that she is from the Midwest, but she is a Jersey girl, too…. But, hamilton township, and now in monclaire . struggleing with life-ish, becoming a bride-ish,
the –ish: Wow… that was intense.
That was intense.
the –ish: And that was a lot of –ish’s going on there.
That was a lot of –ish’s and we could probably take away all of them.
the –ish: Well, its all recorded now for posterity.
Great then it is recorded. Come on. Next question, Drunk-ish. Lets go.
the –ish: Wonder if this tape recorder is getting all these men being all, ‘arggggh’ and then I can’t get your lovely answers.
I don’t know… I don’t know what the fuck every one is talking about. who cares they are all speaking a bunch of non sense-isssssh
the –ish: How old are you?
25.
the –ish: really?
That’s right, bitch. I’m not 26, yet. Thank you. Okay?!
the –ish: Ouch.
Ouch-ish.
the –ish: Hey… I was told that I’m still in the mid 20’s, not the upper 20’s yet.
But your over 25, so your upper twenties.
the –ish : My family told me I still have another year… 27 is upper twenties. How do you feel about that since you will be 26 in just a few days?
It sucks.
the –ish : But your getting married. Your going down that line…
I’m very happy with my marriedness.
the –ish : Not –ish?
Yes- married-ish. In 9 months, I’ll be a mrs.
the –ish : How do you feel about that.
I’m good with that.
the –ish : Really?
Really.
the –ish : Totally?
Totally.
the –ish : Through and through?
Through and through and I’m totally comfortable with the Mrs.-ish
the –ish : This whole interview is going to be –ish everything isn’t it?
Yes… It is going to be drunk everything –ish, -ish, -ish, mother fucker.
the –ish : In case you weren’t aware… this is Miss New Jersey-ish we’re talking to. You would never know from this interview.
I can’t wait to listen to this tomorrow. Laughs. Moving on.
the –ish : Last time you fell in love… big questions..boom boom boom.
Well, that would have to be when I met my future husband.
the –ish : Really? That was last time you fell in love?
Really! I swear to God.
the –ish : What about Marley and Me? Didn’t you fall in love with Marley?
Well, I did fall in love with the dog in that movie, but that’s a totally diff…
the –ish : So when was the last time you fell in love?
That’s a fucking dog movie…
the –ish : So again, when was the last time you fell in love?
I fell in love with Marley on Tuesday night.
the –ish : Lets talk about it.
But really, the last time I fell in love was with
the –ish : Its love! There are a lot of things you can fall in love with! You met
No. I have not.
the –ish : Really?
I’m not just saying that to be fabulous on this tape….
the –ish : Sure you are…
Interrupted: < ”nice to meet you ladies… you both are great… what are your names again… so nice to meet you…. come back again…” Man leaves>
the –ish: Did you just fall in love with that man?
the –ish: So 6 years ago was last time you fell in love?
Yup.
the –ish: This is boring. So 6 years ago you met him in college and started
sleeping together…how did that turn into love.
We weren’t sleeping together…. Initially.
the –ish: Yeah you were.
He had a girlfriend. Laughs….
the –ish: So you were the other woman?
No shit I was.
the –ish: Oh shit.
Its no secret.
the –ish: Miss New Jersey-ish was the other woman.
I’m the other woman.com
the –ish: blogspot.com get it right. Dude, that should be your blog…
I would. I don’t care. I’m not ashamed of that. Because
the –ish: What?! This is best shit I’ve ever gotten about this.
I’m just goin’ with this and I’m wasted…
the –ish: Exactly. This is exactly what I wanted.
This is the real deal holifield.
the –ish: -ish?
The real deal holifield doesn’t need an –ish after it. Thank you. next question.
the –ish: When was the last time you had sex?
Yesterday. Last night. Thank you very much-ish. Laughs.
the –ish: I guess that is what happens when you have someone that lives with you and you actually like each other. So you have sex often….
Yes, often. Quite often.
the –ish: Good, that’s healthy.
Very healthy. It’s a good thing. Please don’t play this at my wedding.
the –ish: Omg… that’s great… thank you!
Moving on!
the –ish: Whats your favorite cruse word?
Fuck
the –ish: Well… how do you use it.
Often.
the –ish: HOW do you use it. Say a phrase that you can use the f word in…
Everything. The f word is a good word. I can’t believe your recording me on this.
the –ish: Of coarse I am…that is what an interview is.
It gets aggression out. I don’t know.
the –ish: Come on! Say it! Get it out.
the –ish: Fuck you. fuckin’ bitch. Fuck this shit. Mother fuck. fuckin’ bitch. Bitchin’. and Bitches. I say bitches a lot. But not like a curse word. Its like bitches. Its like you’re my bitches. Not like you’re my bitches I wanna rule your shit, but its like you’re my bitches and my bitches are cool and I love my bitches. And you’re a bitch. Mother fuckin bitchers. You’re a bitch.
ish: This is gonna be kind of amazing tomorrow.
I can’t wait. Mother fucking bitch.blogspot.com. We are only on question 3 out of like 50…
ish: Where is your home and how to you define it.
My home is a block away from here… it’s lovely and I love it. And I define it as a place like… peace and tranquility and home-ish. Your typical home-ish
ish: You have to tell me what typical home-ish means. That’s the point of the question. What home-ish means…You’ve only lived there 3 weeks, how is it home-ish and established.
God this is so cheese. Its because like…. This is so cheese. I can’t say this right now. I can’t believe I’m going to say this.
the –ish: You have to
I’m going to. i’m going there on tape. It’s my home-ish because the person I love is there with me and we make this little world that we love and we are in together. It might not be perfect, but it is good for us and I don’t know. We could take it or leave it, I guess. We could move on from it, its not the place I’m going to live for the rest of my life. But its this temporary place that we love. Its us. Its comfortable and happy. And we like it. There is a lot of love and happiness immersed there. And when we move on…. We’ll find that same –ish somewhere else.
the –ish: This –ish has definitely become part of your vocabulary. I’m so proud.
It makes me happy. I love having the –ish in my life.
the –ish: Favorite childhood memory.
I don’t know
the –ish: Makes you smile when you think about it. Like when you ‘kid’ that is what you think about.
I don’t know.
the –ish: Really?! Come on? Eating sugar breakfast cereals, cartoons, there has to be something…
i don’t know.
the –ish: Yes you do… what about you and steph. Walking around naked with EJ?
That is not to be recorded.
the –ish: But it was.
I don’t really have one. I feel like a deprived child. I can’t think of anything.
the –ish: It doesn’t have to a particular moment… more like an idea. When you think of being a kid you think of doing this…
Watching general hospital with my sister? Like when I was 7 years old and I probably shouldn’t have been watching it.
the –ish: like all that sexual shit that goes on.
I knew all about that sexual shit that was going on. I don’t know. It was just me, my sister and my mom and my brothers hanging out. I’m cool with my fam. I don’t have one particular moment.
the –ish: Worst childhood memory.
O please. Do you even want to go there? Do you even know my fucking childhood?
the –ish: I want it to be really repressive.
How do you even define being a child?
the –ish: Well for me, it would be when you move out of your parents house you beome an adult. But its subjective. That’s just me.
Well… when my parents got divorced. Come on that was the worst. Moving on. Theres a whole lot more to that cluster f of a situation, but I don’t... I can picture that day like it was yesterday, but we aren’t going there on this –ish, motha fucka (in a sing songy voice).
the –ish: Alright. I’ll take that. But when you become famous, I will have to delve deeper.
Yeah, when I’m on the cover of rollingstone.
the –ish: When you are the next bobbi brown and I have to ask the questions about where you came from and how it defines you…
Whatever. There is a lot of shit that defines my life and it can’t be defined in a five minute….
the –ish: I’m not saying it is, I’m just…
My life and my personality and the things that I love are not going to be defined in a 15 minute interview.
the –ish: But that is what this is about. To get it out there. To Define your…
Okay, this is my new jersey-ish. This is it. why is this going to be called new jersey-ish? This is the
the –ish: Because you are my new jersey-ish. You define a new jersey for me.
Your new jersey
the –ish: I am new jersey, but you’re a different new jersey. You lived here a long time.
I’ve lived other places than new jersey.
the –ish: I know. But you have to admit that new jersey is maybe…more of a home.
Yeah, well I’ve lived in new jersey since middle school. And you’ve lived in the Midwest since middle school.
the –ish: No… I lived in ny for the past 8 years.
True story. True story-ish.com
the –ish: Moving on and up.
Are we almost done with this?
the –ish: Nope.
Can we do this when I’m sober so I can answer these questions right?
the –ish: No because when you are drunk you answer them more honest.
Okay.
the –ish: What makes you incandescently happy?
Well… if knew what incandescently meant I might be able to answer this question better.
the –ish: Come on new jersey. Go with with the ‘happy’ part.
I know…new jersey-ish.blogspot.com. I’m making this really fun for you. What makes me incandescently happy? No stress. Absolutely no stress.
the –ish: Whats stress?
Work.
the –ish: But according to oprah, work doesn’t define us.
It doesn’t . Okay… what makes me happy… cooking a delicious meal to be rachel ray, bitch, you don’t have shit on me.com. making food and hanging out with people I really care about. Because I don’t have fake ass people in my life. I’d rather have good friends in my life and have them around and eat and drink and have real conversation with them. That makes me happy. Holler at your miss new jersey bitch-ish.com
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